Life is now, but I’ve never wanted to live it.
Updated: Apr 29, 2019
Living everyday with Bipolar Manic Depression as a successful, motivating, encouraging, inspiring professional woman.
The real truth... my outlook on life was so terrible, I just didn't care to live.
People would say things like, be thankful you are alive, or life is a gift but I would never agree because I just couldn’t find feelings to be thankful.
I’d hear about death and wish it was me instead, wondering when it would be my turn, why I still had to be here on earth but others got to go.
Eventually, I found hope, putting trust into the possibility of turning my thoughts, feelings and behaviors around. Make no mistake, it is not easy, in fact its tiring, it’s constant. In everything I do, in my daily routine of life, I’ve been constantly on alert about carefully choosing thoughts, words, actions along the journey.
Many years of a negative self-talking inner voice had programmed me for disaster.
It happened, and I had no where else to go, I was at the bottom.
Reaching the end, I could choose to find a way to want to live or give up.
Fortunately, my family wasn’t letting me give up, which helped but ultimately finding the courage to fight for happiness came from inside me.
The power is within, we all have it!
Will I ever find the feelings I am hoping for?
Self-medicating, through drugs, alcohol, sex, gambling, shopping, whatever your vice, is not the answer, it only masks your state of mind, it doesn’t heal it.
You've got to work on it as you engage in the opportunities of life!
Ultimately, in everything I do with my life, my overall goal is to be happy, genuinely happy. I’m not talking the kind where you smile, showing everyone how you are supposed to be feeling but on inside you’re crying. I seek to find peace within, to love the life we are gifted with, and live it because I respect it, not because I’m stuck here.
Reflection is a huge part of progress, as it allows us to see how far we have come. I’ve been teaching my brain to believe in my inner beast.
The mind is a “muscle” and must be worked in order to see progress and formulate muscle memory.
I am choosing to believe in the power of the unique gifts and talents I’ve been blessed with and am doing my best to become the best I can be, thereby shining a light to help others do the same.
To come this far, I've been doing some work
I reflect daily, and lately I’ve been realizing I’ve made so many improvements in my daily behaviors, thoughts, and feelings that life as of late, seems more peaceful. My head feels lighter, clearer, even through dealing with the stress of daily life hustle . I attribute this to so many things, a laundry list of things, but if I had to narrow it down in an overview...
-FORMING A SYSTEM TO JUMP START THE DAY-
creating a mindset, getting me excited about the opportunities ahead, rather than just wishing I could stay in bed, or constantly thinking about when i could do back to sleep.
-EATING TO FUEL MY BODY,-
choosing food for my body that will help it perform the best it can, clear my mind, and keep me from getting sick
finding a lifestyle that works for me, that satisfies me not deprives me.
-LIVING IN THE MOMENT
learning to be present, enjoying the moment, the relationships, the experiences
training with purpose, following a plan, not just working out.
making changes when things aren’t going the way I prefer, but sticking to a routine
constant reflection, finding lifestyle balance, working on self-improvement, setting goals and working to achieve them
Each time the chemicals in my brain are off balance, the severity of the blow is less because I know how to better deal/cope with my feelings, behaviors and thoughts!
Recently I had a huge milestone, I found out about the tragic loss of a friend. Instead of my normal reaction, internally wishing it was me, I was genuinely sad for their loss and had no inner voice at the time saying anything in return.
My head is clear for the moment. I’m terrified of losing control, but trust that I am re-wiring my brain by creating a positive mindset! Each time the chemicals in my brain are off balance, the severity of the blow is less because I know how to better deal/cope with my feelings, behaviors and thoughts!
Literally training my brain to see things from a different perspective every opportunity!
I’ve been teaching my brain to believe in my inner beast. The mind is a “muscle” and must be worked in order to see progress and formulate muscle memory. I am choosing to believe in the power of the unique gifts and talents I’ve been blessed with and am by doing my best to become the best I can be, thereby shining a light to help others do the same.
Happiness! A lifestyle change, not a quick fix.
Why be so blunt, so open, to so many people with such personal feelings? I believe I was given this mountain to overcome to show others it can be done! I choose to work on unlocking my potential, doing the best I can with what I’ve been gifted to help others unlock their gifts too! Manic depression doesn’t define me, it helps build my character. When we overcome, when we we decide to persevere through each challenge in our path, it is an opportunity to become better.
I believe food choice has a major impact on how we feel... our moods change depending on what we consume. Choose real food! Create your Happiness! If you are struggling with the effects of mental health, please know you can take control. Start by asking for help, find a doctor to help you, and consider incorporating some moderate exercise, a healthier diet and most importantly start to change your thoughts!